


Going Out for Drinks on the Citadel

by veritasa



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: "nothing serious" my patootie, Complicated Relationships, Destroy Ending, F/M, Past Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Post-Game, if your gf came back from the dead and you had a new gf, it would be way past awkard, that doctor that Kaidan mentions getting drinks with in his letter to Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-10-04 07:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10271801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veritasa/pseuds/veritasa
Summary: "I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?"Even as Kaidan wrote it, it wasn't quite right. But this was Shepard. And suddenly everything about the world he had started rebuilding was questionable.For Alessa, her friends had finally talked her into getting drinks with a captain in the Alliance marines. It was good. It was easy. And nothing in the galaxy stayed easy for long. Especially not in the circles around Jane Shepard.





	1. Chapter 1

Alessa tapped her shoe absentmindedly against the footrest of her barstool as she contemplated her drink. It was whiskey - imported from Earth to the Citadel, though it was speed-aged, rather than the good old fashioned kind. The water mixed with it and formed a clear swirl in the dark brown liquid. She wasn’t good at waiting.

“Alessa?”

The voice was a question, its deep tones tilting just enough upward at the end to indicate uncertainty. She paused a moment to tuck her heel back into her shoe, put on a smile, and turn to face her blind date. “That’s me.” 

Goddess, he was nervous looking. His eyes slid over her as though she wasn’t there, then he seemed to remember himself and force eye contact. Deep brown eyes, strong chin, dark hair, ever-so-slight eddies on his skin revealing a biotic, probably an L2 implant if he was conducting that much power. Well built, clearly worked out regularly, military posture, though she knew that. A captain in the Alliance military. Former crewman on the SS Normandy - famed vessel that had taken on the Geth and won. A legend.

His hand grabbed at the back of his neck nervously, and she realized he wasn’t sure whether to shake her hand or hug her or initiate no contact. Her smile warmed a little as she recognized all the signs of not having dated in a long time, if ever. Biotics were still largely misunderstood among humans, and the strict regimen of rising through the ranks as he had must have left little time for socializing. No wonder Tabitha and the others had urged her to go easy on him, despite the holos. He was nearly as broken as he was inexperienced.

“You must be Kaidan. It’s super nice to meet you.” She extended her hand to him, pivoting her chair slightly as she did so as to pull him closer to his own seat. An invitation, rather than brute force. 

He let out a deeper breath than he had taken, and she watched with amusement as color rose in his cheeks. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be so awkward…”

“You’re not.” She pulled her hand out of the shake and pressed it lightly down on top of his reassuringly. “I’m glad you could make it. Blind dates are the worst sort of nerve wracking.”

“Especially with Brant asking every three minutes if I’d finally confirmed plans with you.” Kaidan laughed, at first a bark, as though his own body hadn’t expected it, then a mellow thing that Alessa found she liked very much.

“Oh, if you think Brant was bad, you should hear Tabitha double checking that I’ll behave myself.”

Kaidan’s eyebrow raised slightly, and it was Alessa’s turn to blush red. “I have a tendency to speak my mind more than is necessarily appropriate for first meeting people. Or second or third meetings, for that matter.”

“An admirable trait.” He finally seemed to settle into his seat at the bar. “So what are you drinking?”


	2. First Month

They were sitting on her couch watching a holovid the first time one of his migraines struck in her presence. His arm was draped loosely over her shoulder, and the brief muscle tensing was barely noticeable. Her medical training did notice it however, and she waved her hand to turn off the TV. Another gesture and the blinds lowered. He hadn’t noticed yet, his eyes closed in focus as he tried to stave it off. They got to spend so little time together between his job and hers that he didn’t want to ruin it with “his problem” as he called it. 

She moved slowly away from him, pulling a heavy blanket from one side of the couch and opening it up. “Lie down. Relax. I’ll get some meds. Maybe we can nip this one in the bud.” Her voice was soft as she gently pushed him to lie on the couch that she had vacated. “No point in forcing yourself to suffer more while you tough it out. Nowhere you have to be tonight. Just rest.”

He gave in after a moment, and she spent a few minutes gathering pillows and blankets to prop him up. She wasn’t an expert on migraines - her studies had meandered more into oncology and exosolar radiation - but she knew a few tricks. After she had gotten him to take the meds with a bit of water, she sat close for a few moments in case he needed something. 

His hand found hers, though he didn’t open his eyes. “Come here.” He tugged lightly on her hand and she leaned forward into his whisper. His lips brushed her cheek instead. “Thank you. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Hush.” She kissed his forehead. “We’ll talk about that when it’s passed.”


	3. Third Month

“And then you flip over the card and place it on either your range or your opponent’s.” Kaidan demonstrated, and Alessa pursed her lips in concentration. 

“Where did you learn to play Turian Blitz like a pro?”

 

He laughed. “I don’t know about pro, but we had a bit of downtime on the Normandy, and Garrus found gambling to be a good way to pass the time.”

“Makes sense.” Kaidan talked so rarely about his time on the Normandy and that last mission to stop the Geth that she didn’t dare draw attention to it. She instead shifted her Primarch down, placing a Cabal in the empty spot, then pausing to think.

“That’s a dangerous move, since your Primarch is likely your most powerful card.”

“Well maybe I like to live dangerously. Not as dangerously as you, but hey, a girl’s gotta take risks.” She grinned at him and he tossed a pillow at her gently. She rolled sideways in exaggerated distress and reached out her hand for his help. He kissed the tips of her fingers as he pulled her back up to sitting. “Now, can I play?”

“By all means, please do. Can’t wait to see what I get when I win.” 

“When you win, huh? You’re that confident?”

“You only have one card left, and you’ve all but demoted your Primarch. I’m pretty confident.”

“Look at you, promoted to major and you get all cocky. Fine. Let’s make a bet.”

“And what are you putting on the table?”

“Oh no, Mr. Confident can start the wager.” She suppressed a giggle, the giddy joy coursing through her veins. Based on what she’d seen earlier, she knew what card had to be at the bottom of the pile. 

“Fine. If I win, we go base jumping in Leda Ward. No complaining.”

“Big opener. You sure about that? That means whatever I pick will be big too.” 

“Go big or go home.” He leaned forward, almost predatory, and she fought the urge to peck him on the lips as he got closer.

“Well, in that case… you come with me to the Ambassador’s wedding.”

“Deal.” 

They were false bets - each knew the other would acquiesce to their requests regardless. Kaidan had been slowly convincing her to try flinging herself off a perfectly good platform while she had been convincing him that a politician’s wedding wouldn’t be too staid and frustrating. But there was still a tension in the air as she moved the unflipped card over his deck. “Stepping back down?”

“You’re adding it to my deck? That’s a ballsy move, forgive my language.” His eyes scanned over her while he read her for a long minute. “I’ll raise you. If you win, I’ll have dad send me a bottle of real, earth-made, barrel-aged whiskey for you.” 

Her eyes widened. Alessa had never been to earth, nor had she ever really inquired as to whether Kaidan’s parents knew about her. And damned if he didn’t pay attention. She bit back her shock. She knew she was going to win, and her mind was suddenly blank as to what to raise him. “If you’re that confident, name your prize.”

“If I win…” he trailed off, debating something, then leaning closer until he whispered hesitantly, “you let me stay with you tonight.”

The entire Citadel collapsed in her mind to just the two of them and this stupid card game. They’d been seeing each other for weeks - months, if she counted it right. But they were taking it slow. Still, her heart was suddenly pounding and her palms were warm. 

She knew if she flipped her card on his deck, she would win. She wasn’t so sure she wanted to win. She licked her lips. There was a safe option. She should take it. Then slowly an idea came to her, even as her coherent thoughts were disappearing. 

She left her card where it was, then leaned over to kiss him. Not a gentle thing - the sort of kiss that her quick breath and heart rate were calling for. Damn it if she didn’t want him to stay.


	4. Morning After

The early morning hours on the Presidium cast a strange rippling light through the windows of the upper wards where Alessa lived. Her bedroom caught it in a way she found pleasing and almost ethereal. Light shimmered and danced as she slowly opened her eyes. Beside her, Kaidan was warm and solid. She hadn’t woken up next to anyone in ages. Too much work, too much complication. But with Kaidan it was easy. It made her a little nervous how easy it was. Sighing, she began to disentangle herself from him. 

His arm tightened around her. “Getting up so early?” 

She rolled over so her face was in his chest. “Was gonna go shower. Make breakfast.”

“Mmm.” She felt, more than heard, his noise of approval. “Sounds good. But I think it can wait.” He tilted her head up toward his and kissed her again.


	5. Six Months and a Whiskey

“What’s Earth like? I mean, I’ve seen holovids and heard stories, but you grew up there.” They were sipping on the whiskey Kaidan’s father had sent after she’d revealed her winning card sometime in the afternoon of the next day. He had laughed and pretended to whine about her trying to get her cake and eat it too. And he’d still asked his dad to send the whiskey.

“I don’t know about all of Earth, but the area around Vancouver is amazing. Green everywhere, lakes and streams full of fish - you should have seen my dad trying to teach me to fish - the cities are a lot like cities everywhere, but everything else makes it special.”

“Were you any good at fishing?”

“Not according to him!” He laughed, then quieted. “He… I mean, they, he and my mom… they asked when I’d taken up drinking fine whiskey. I told them it was for a bet I’d lost. And then I told them about you.”

They both let the silence draw out, but she lifted her hand to hold his where it was draped over her shoulder. “What did you say?”

“That you were a beautiful, amazing woman that Brant has been ribbing me endlessly over how long it took me to agree to meet you.”

She laughed and took another sip. “I can imagine. Brant doesn’t let stuff like that slide.” She was dying of curiosity about what he had told his parents, but wouldn’t push it. That would only lead to things she probably didn’t want to hear. 

“No… but of course my mother asked me a million more things about you.”

“You’re an only child, right? She’s worried I’m going to do something terrible to you?”

“Nothing like that. You know, the where you were born, your family, what you do for work, how we met… all that stuff.”

“On the Citadel, deceased, play doctor, and because of meddling friends.” 

“You hadn’t ever told me you were born here.”

Alessa shrugged. “Yeah, Zakera Ward. My parents were missionaries, believe it or not. We spent a lot of time feeding the hungry and clothing the naked duct rats.”

“Very noble.” 

Alessa nodded. “Dad got beat up real badly when he crossed the Blue Suns, died of complications a few years later. Mom died when her ship was taken by Batarian pirates a few years after that. It’s been almost 15 years since she passed. Water under the bridge.” 

He pulled her tighter against him and she sighed at the contact. “So how’d you go from Zakera Wards ducts to Leda Wards upper floors?”

“Study and scholarship. Mom and Dad’s KIA got some special funding for me through religious channels back on earth. Some even tried to bring me home, but I was 19, so they mostly just left me to do what I wanted. And I wanted to be a doctor. No grand reasons.” She laughed darkly. “At the time, selfish reasons. There was a push for a greater understanding of humans living outside of Sol, and the financial incentives to match.” She took a sip of whiskey. “Didn’t want to end up like the kids we helped, or the adults we saw them grow up into. Didn’t want any kids of mine doing that either.”

“You help a lot of people.”

“That’s what they tell me.”

“You help me.” 

“Now that’s something that matters.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “You’re a good man, Kaidan Alenko. Don’t ever forget that.”


	6. Ten Months, featuring a ghost

From the back of the cab she tapped out a quick message to Kaidan. Called in for a special case. Probably won’t be out til late. Sorry.

She’d gotten a notice from her clinic that her expertise was needed on a case and to hurry in. Unfortunately, Kaidan had been on covert duty for a month, and she was looking forward to seeing him. Still, duty called, and he would understand that as well as anyone. 

Don’t worry about it. 

Tabitha was already waiting with the case file when she arrived. They chatted it over while she scrubbed in, then turned to inane gossip. “So, did you hear the news that the backchannels are just buzzing over?”

“Hm?” Alessa was tracing lines representing tissue breakdown in this particular patient as Tabitha talked.

“Rumor is that the famous Commander Shepard is alive and well. But that she’s working for Cerberus.”

Alessa paused. “Kaidan’s old commander?”

“That’s the one.” Now it was Tabitha’s turn to pause. “And, um, I don’t know what you’ve discussed, but…”

“Spit it out.”

“Kaidan and Shepard were… a thing.”

“A thing?”

Tabitha was visibly uncomfortable. She hadn’t really thought through the ramifications of these revelations. “Alessa, this is something you should probably talk about with Kaidan. I don’t know.”

“Wasn’t she his superior officer? That sort of thing is frowned upon right?”

“I mean, yeah, but she was also a Spectre, and that apparently lets you have more freedom. Anyway, didn’t Kaidan just get back from somewhere?” 

“Yeah. We passed each other, I think.”

“Listen, go home. Talk to him. I’m sure he’s heard, if I have. I’ll take care of things here.”

“He’ll be there when I get back.”

“You know your mind won’t be on the task at hand. Go home.”

Alessa stiffened, then released. “Fine. It’ll be good to see him regardless.”

“That’s the spirit.”

The cab ride home was longer than the ride there by hours, or at least it felt like it. It was complicated enough that his former commander was alive - she knew about the bonds that formed between people in combat. But if she had been his lover, too? And turned up alive? Not only alive, but working for a known terrorist organization? It was enough to give her a headache. She could only imagine Kaidan’s potential migraine.

She entered his flat quietly, just in case, but the lights weren’t dimmed. “Kaidan? Got out early. Tabitha’s covering the case.”

“Hey. In the kitchen.”

He was sitting on a kitchen chair, a glass of whiskey untouched in his hand. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. She shrugged off her coat and curled up on the floor next to him, laying her head on his lap. She didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? His fingers trailed absently through her hair, and something about the gesture made her want to cry. “I’m glad you’re home,” she managed.

He didn’t respond.


	7. One year: Resurrection

It came out in short bursts over the next few weeks, things that his wounded heart couldn’t hold in anymore. Bits about Shepard when Anderson ran the Normandy, then their trek across the galaxy to stop the Geth. Discoveries about Sovereign. Shepard’s increasing attention to him. Williams’ sacrifice on Virmire. Ilos. 

And now Horizon.

Alessa was mostly quiet, letting his grief escape when he needed it to, and trying to make sense of things herself the rest of the time. 

She couldn’t escape that Kaidan loved Jane Shepard. Absence and death had maybe changed an infatuation born under stress into something else, but she couldn’t be certain. She did know that now, his feelings for Shepard had become love, but an alienated love. She’d been dead. He’d grieved. He’d found Alessa.

On dark nights when even the reflecting light of the Presidium didn’t enter her room, she wondered if that was enough. If she was enough. Shepard was a galactic hero, larger than life in nearly every way. Alessa was just… her. She didn’t sacrifice herself to save people, she wasn’t a first or greatest of anything. She mostly followed the rules. The best thing about her life right now was her relationship with Kaidan. And she had no idea if that would continue.

#

 

Kaidan had been gone for six weeks. He was leading some sort of biotic group, but she wasn’t really allowed to know more than that. Brant told her if he was alive, and even that was more than she should have known. For her own part, she dove into work. And then one day, she heard the news. Shepard had turned herself in, along with the new Normandy, and was under arrest awaiting a Court Martial. 

She called off sick. 

She didn’t know why. This didn’t have any direct bearing on her. But it felt like a million pounds were piled on top of her chest. She wanted to message Kaidan, but he was off the grid. Besides, what would she say? “Hey, your ex-girlfriend is imprisoned on Earth for crimes against the Alliance and Humanity. That makes me have a really bad day”? Instead, she opened a medical journal and that bottle of Earth whiskey Kaidan’s family had sent.


	8. Thirteen months: Confession

She stirred her coffee absently, her eyes flitting across the view of the Citadel through her window. Kaidan was in their room, gathering the few things he wanted to take with him when he was deployed on another mission. Another set of weeks with no word from him, without knowing where he was. 

There was a lot of not knowing in her relationship with Kaidan these days. But she had never struggled with the idea of his military service, or the top secret clearances or his work with the Council. She missed him, but he came back after each mission, and for a little while they had each other. It was easy.

It didn’t feel so easy now. Shepard was not only alive, but actually on an Alliance base in Kaidan’s hometown. It was all over the news - had been for weeks. 

They hadn’t talked about it when he got back. She’d made him his favorite dinner the first night back, and they’d gone to the arcade. He’d asked about her research, and their friends that still lived on the Citadel. It was never the right time to talk about the elephant in the room, and he was never really in the room with her anyway. It was always better to wait until another time.

But this morning they were out of time. He emerged from their room, rucksack swung across his back. The streaks of gray to his hair were deepening. He had worried over them in the mirror. She said they made him look distinguished. 

His hands rested heavy on her shoulders as he rubbed them gently, taking a moment to look out over the skyline with her. It was peaceful, and the rebuilding efforts were coming along nicely. “It won’t last like this, will it?”

“The Citadel will get back to normal, and hopefully we figure out how to deal with this Reaper threat before they can come back to do more damage.”

She nodded absently, finishing her coffee. She hadn’t been talking about the Citadel. “Another top secret?”

His thumb traced up her neck lightly, tension easing out of her spine with his motion even as it built up in her chest. “Not this time. Being recalled to earth for briefing.”

“Ah. Didn’t know you’d be pulled back for that case.”

“Case?” His hands stopped moving, and he sagged into a chair near her. She couldn’t help but notice that where he used to constantly reach for her hand when they sat like this, now his were knotted together, arms on his knees as he leaned forward. 

“It’s all over the news Kaidan. Alliance brass are set to court martial her, at least to figure out what happened.” He didn’t respond, but his hands clenched. “She’ll need good character witnesses, I’d think.”

Her words drifted down into silence between them. She let them go. There was nerve and tension in the space between them. Finally he spoke up. “She was dead. I stayed with her as the Normandy split up, and she forced me to leave so she could go back and save one more. And I saw it break into a thousand pieces. She was really, truly dead.”

His face screwed up painfully, and his knees bounced with nervous energy, but he went on. “And I was a mess. There were months of counseling through the Alliance, and friends trying to pull me up from the dark place I was. And by some miracle, I met you. And it was so easy. You were perfect in so many ways - I almost forgot everything else.” 

“But I saw her on Horizon. And she was alive, but… Cerberus had always been against everything I stood for, everything she stood for. And to see her wearing their colors was just devastating. I’d put everything else out of my mind for so long, only to have it come rushing back when I saw her standing there.”

He looked up at her, his voice thick. “I wrote to her after I saw her. I should have told you, should have been honest about all the things I was thinking. I told her that I was trying to move on. That she wasn’t making things easy. And I thought I could put it behind me.” 

He finally took her hand. “I wanted this life, the life with you, so much more than I knew how to say. But she just… everything went hard to port.”

Alessa’s hand hung in Kaidan’s while the other brought coffee to her lips. Her heart was exploding, but at least medical school had made her hands steady. “And between the threat of impending galactic destruction and the fact that you can’t get her face out of your head, you’re going back to Earth to… something.”

She sighed deeply. “Listen Kaidan. I always knew you were out of my league. But... “ she finally put down her coffee cup and looked him full in the face. “But I have never cared about anyone the way I care about you. And I want you to be happy.” Air rushed out of her where the confession felt like a punch in the gut. “I want you to be happy… with me.”

She held her hands together to keep them from shaking. “I know you’ll still see her - she’s going to continue to be the hero. She’s going to be reinstated as a Spectre. She’s technically still Alliance. If all this about the Reapers is real - and I believe you that it is - then things are going to be really insane. So I get that. But…” She took a breath to steady herself. “Fuck. I love you, you know. And maybe that’s unfair of me to say at this point, but I needed to get it out there.”

“I just need something from you. Some notion that you’ll come back, and we’ll try, because you’re choosing that.” Because, she thought, you’re choosing me.

“I’ll come back. You know that. I always do.” His hand cupped her cheek affectionately, but she couldn’t help seeing the shadow behind his eyes. He would come back, because it was the Citadel. Because it was the right thing to do. But not because he was making a choice.

She let out a long breath and let him lean in to kiss her forehead. At the last minute, she pulled him down for a goodbye kiss. “Be safe, Kaidan.”


	9. Starting Over: Departure

Tabitha straightened the paperwork and put it in the file, slowly closing the drawer. “Well, that’s it. That’s the last of the leave of absence paperwork.” Alessa smiled nervously. She was happy, she supposed. But she had never done anything quite so reckless, spontaneous, or selfish. This was an unplanned vacation. She’d never left the Citadel. But she needed to get away, and if Kaidan was right, it might be the last opportunity to see some of these places.

“Thanks. And thanks for holding down the fort while I’m gone.”

“Not a problem. Someone has to do it.” She stood and hugged Alessa. “Send me some vids from wherever you go. Where are you headed first?”

Alessa bit her lip. This was the most uncertain part of all. “Earth. Vancouver. I hear it's beautiful.”


	10. Starting Over: At the End

Three days. She’d been in Canada for three days before everything was blown into pieces. She’d been out in the wilderness, or those might have been her last three days. BUt now it had been months. Packs of survivors formed little clumps to travel together, but not so many as to attract Reaper attention. There was no consistency - one morning part of a group might choose a different direction than the rest. No one blamed them. No one knew which way was safe - if any of them were safe. They survived on scraps and rumors, and the rumors all whispered it - Shepard was here, the great white hope of humanity, descending from her missions elsewhere in the galaxy in one desperate plea to save earth. 

As a doctor, Alessa was as good as gold, and she couldn’t remember the last time she slept more than an hour or two at a time. She’d traveled for awhile, fleeing the cities with the other refugees. Then she’d found a woman who had Kaidan’s eyes, and for no good reason, she’d decided to travel with the woman. And as stupid as it was, after all that had happened, that thought gave her more hope than she’d had in months. That by helping this woman survive, she was still being useful. 

Helen was her name, and she was thin and dark haired with a smattering of gray that seemed to increase daily. She was kind, and told stories, and though she never mentioned a family, very few people did. Family was painful. It was better to exist in the now.

But on the last day, the day that somewhere across the world people were battling over London, there was something in the air that made stories need telling. Those that had traveled together longest gathered together and asked questions that might not have another shot to get answered. 

“Do you know anyone in the fighting?” Helen asked, her voice quiet on the warm, still night. She poked at the fire with a stick and watched eddies of heat carry ash higher. 

“I think so. I mean. I hope he’s there.” Alessa wasn’t sure what to say. How could she possibly explain anything? How much she hoped he was alive to fight. How much she wished she could take back their last conversation. How if Shepard was there, of course he was there.

Helen was quiet for a moment, then nodded. “I know what you mean. I hope Kaidan’s there too.” Alessa’s eyes opened wide and she opened her mouth to speak. “He told us about you once, when he asked his father to send some whiskey for him. He was always tight lipped, but he told us your name and that you were a doctor, and that he thought very highly of you indeed. And I’m not as bad at at reading people as folks seem to think.” She smiled. “Yes, if Kaidan’s able, he’s in the fight, I’m sure of it.”

“Shepard’s there.” Alessa said bluntly, without inflection. 

Helen waited for her to continue, then filled the silence. “Yes, I imagine she is, if we can still trust the low wave radios. She’s certainly good in a pinch.”

Alessa let out a rough laugh, still quiet in the darkness. “That she is.”

“It’s not awful for you to dislike her, you know. Hero or no, she’s… had an impact on your life.”

Alessa shrugged. After a few minutes, she huffed. “It’s stupid, and I feel like a child. She’s saved us all - MULTIPLE TIMES - and I still can’t quite forgive her for having Kaidan so wrapped around her little finger. And it’s not even her fault. How does a flesh-and-blood person compare to a living, no, resurrected legend? A woman who single handedly changed the galaxy and rewrote its rules, for better or for worse? Even just being a Spectre is a creature out of a fairy tale, and then she went and died and was raised. Like a Christ figure for the Extrastellar Age.” Her voice quieted. “When she was dead, maybe he wanted something normal - a port in the storm. I’m good at being normal. But if she was alive, no matter how artificially, then how could he do anything other than choose her?” She kicked at a log that was rolling out of the fire. “I’m being petulant.”

“You’re being human.” She reached her hand out of the younger woman’s hand. “Did Kaidan ever tell you about how his father and I met? And broke up? And got back together, and broke up… four separate times? I can tell you I certainly felt petulant an awful lot.”

“I’m sorry, I know that I shouldn’t complain to you. You’re his mom for goodness sake, you want the best for him.”

“Which is why I don’t mind listening to you. Must be hard to find someone to open up to, situation notwithstanding. So few people know about Shepard the person instead of Shepard the legend. Even you.” 

Alessa’s face warmed. “Did you meet her?”

“No.” Helen smiled warmly - now it was easy to see Kaidan’s smile in it. “Woman convinces my militaristic son to break regs, he talks nonstop about her for months, and then we all picked up the pieces when she was dead. I’d imagine you know a bit about that part. But for all that she affected our lives, we still didn’t know her. Sometimes I wonder if Kaidan did as well as he thought.”

“Must be hard to be a legend. Everyone expects you to be something. Hard to find someone who is interested in who you are.” She was beginning to feel bad for Shepard, and that irked her too.

“I don’t know. We’ll have to ask Kaidan. He’s gotten a little bit of attention, so I hear. Second human Spectre.” Another long minute passed, each of them in their thoughts. “You love him?”

The question hung in the silence for ages. “Yes.” The answer was soft and low. 

“Did you ever tell him that?”

“Yes. But. Not well.” At long last, she continued, “I was in the middle of making him choose. I had tried for months, but the combination of not knowing where he was, what he was doing, or what he felt was maddening. So I told him. And he left for Earth.” Another pause. “I’d never thought of him as a legend, or the second human Spectre, even though that was after… his decision. He was always just Kaidan.”

“Come on. We might as well get some sleep. Come hell or high water, tomorrow will come, and we’ll have answers.”


	11. Rebuilding: First Meetings Again

It had been three weeks. The Battle of Earth was over, Reaper pieces had crashed and burned, and people were starting to make their way back to civilization. Helen and ALessa crept back into Vancouver, gathered what they could from Helen’s ruined apartment, and began the process of trying to sew a life back together with pieces that just didn’t fit anymore. And at night, like everyone else, they prayed that someone would come back from the fight in London.

#

Helen squeezed her hand as the shuttle came into sight, then seemed to think better of it, turning and hugging her. She said nothing, but Alessa understood. Too many emotions, not enough words.

The Alliance shuttle touched down, piloted by a young hispanic man who grinned and waved, then shouted something toward the back of the shuttle. As the shuttle pressure seal cracked, Alessa let go of Helen’s hand, taking an almost imperceptible step away from her. No need to complicate the first part.

As the door opened she saw him, leaning against the door, scanning for his mother. Another man, older, and with a slightly less defined chin, stood next to him. His father, Peter. 

Alessa took another step back. 

It was every image of the perfect family reunion, hugs and kisses, half told stories, and exclamations. The Alenkos weren’t the only ones, either. As shuttle after shuttle landed, more families rushed forward to see their loved ones. Others lingered back, unsure of how to greet people, or worse, not seeing the face they hoped for. She let all of it move around her like water around a rock.

Still, she heard their voices carrying over the crowd - Helen’s because she’d heard it every day for months. Kaidan’s because, well, it was Kaidan. “When we couldn’t contact you..” Kaidan’s voice trailed off.

“Nonsense, I’m made of tougher stuff than that.” Her eyes cast around, landing on Alessa and waving her over. “And I fell in with some good company. Patched me up more than a time or two. Helps to have a doctor in times like this.” She grabbed onto Alessa’s arm as she slowly came up to them. “Peter, this is Alessa. She was stranded here during a vacation of all things. Found her not a week after we got split up.”

Peter’s hand extended, and Alessa’s reached out automatically. “Pleased to meet you, and thank you for helping Helen out. Wouldn’t know what to do with myself if something had happened to her.”

“Mostly it was her helping me. I’m a city girl, not really any good at survivalism. Just one of those little miracles.” 

“All the same.” He nodded. “This is our son, Kaidan.”

Kaidan hadn’t said a word since she walked up, and for some reason, Alessa couldn’t meet his eyes for longer than a moment. “I think you know each other.” There was a tease in Helen’s voice and Alessa kind of hated her for it. 

She felt, more than saw, Kaidan move toward her, then suddenly his arms were around her. It felt good to be there, but her spine was stiff. She wasn’t going to let herself cry. “I thought you were dead.”

The words slid into her consciousness with all the subtlety of a brick through a plate-glass window. Of course he had. The Citadel was gutted, If she had been home, there would have been no chance. But that he’d thought about her, in the middle of all this fiasco - damn it, she wasn’t going to cry.

“Dumb luck.” She pulled away against her own instincts, trying to smile benignly at him. “I’m glad you’re alright. We were worried.” She cleared her throat. “But no point in standing out here. There’s an undamaged flat that several of us have been cleaning up and getting ready. Makeshift showers, a mostly functional stove, and beds! It’s not exactly private, but it’s better than nothing.”

“Can’t say I would argue with a bed.” Peter started to follow her.

“Shower first - those sheets are clean.” Helen chided. She led her husband away, and Alessa couldn’t help but marvel at how happy they looked. In all her time with Helen, she’d never seen the woman so at peace. Something in her chest loosened ever so slightly and she took a deep breath.


	12. Rebuilding: Unsteady Ground

It had been three days. She’d found ways to fill her time, making sure she wasn’t in the flat for more than a few waking minutes before she left to work at some clinic or makeshift hospital. Helen always made her breakfast and put a plate of leftovers out, meager as they were. She sometimes felt Kaidan’s eyes following her out the door, but she worked herself too long to be anything but the functional side of exhausted. It was easier not to have energy to think about it. 

But three days was all that Kaidan could manage before he had to go back and find his team. He was the only living human Spectre, and machines were out all over the galaxy. While people took the time to rebuild them, biotics were the closest thing people had to technology. Still, she left at first light, as usual. Let the family have their time.

Which was why when someone shouted to her that she had a visitor, she took a moment to wash her hands, not sure who it was. And nearly stopped in her tracks when it was Kaidan.

“Hi. I thought you were deploying.”

“I am. But mom said you left early again.”

“No rest for the wicked.”

“Then you should get some R&R once in awhile. Mom’s been telling me about the past few months.”

“I’m lucky I ran into her.”

“It’s amazing that you did.”

“Dumb luck. Didn’t even know for sure who she was until a few weeks ago.”

“Really?” He stopped, considering something. He was still in civilian clothes, and Alessa counted a few new scars on him. The silence went on for a long moment.

“How’s your head? I heard some of the L3 implants were having trouble after the shockwave.” 

“For once, L2 is a solid choice. A couple migraines, but nothing I’m not used to.” Another moment. “Can you take a quick break? For a walk?”

She nodded and shrugged. “We’re not on a scheduled shift - mostly triage and first aid here. The talented ones are working their butts off in the hospital.” She gestured with a nod. “So I can spare a few minutes.”

They walked in silence for a few minutes, but Alessa could feel his eyes on her. “I came here with the intention of saying thank you for everything you’d done for mom.”

“You’ve already thanked me.”

“I know. And I realize that I was just using that as an excuse to see you again before I left. And now that I’m here, don’t even know what to say.”

She stopped and turned to face him, her eyes scanning over him in a way she hadn’t let herself since he came back. “I don’t either.” She pursed her lips. “When do you get leave again?”

“They’re being generous. Every couple weeks we get to check back in.”

She nodded again. “Ok.” She wrapped her arms around him briefly, and she felt his hands run through her knotted hair. “I’ll be here.”

He let her go and started to walk toward the spaceport. “Kaidan.” He turned back to face her. “You said you didn’t know how your mom and I could have found each other when we didn’t know who the other person was. You have her eyes.” It was stupid to say, but the corner of his lips turned upward. 

“I’ll be back soon.”


	13. Rebuilding: One Evening

It was the middle of the night when she heard them in the hallway. Families had come and gone from their little shelter, but she’d stayed because it was close to the clinic where she’d been working. There were fewer trauma cases and more diseases now, and there were long hours of tending the dying. She couldn’t stand the idea of a long walk home. 

Tonight was no different and she was exhausted to the bone. She heard their hushed welcomes and Kaidan stepped in the door, then a few minutes of low tones before they bid each other goodnight. It was all she could manage to roll over. 

She felt the shadow cross the door and ignored it for a few seconds. When it didn’t move, she opened her eyes. Kaidan was leaning in the doorway, watching her. When she opened her eyes, she smiled sleepily. “Hi.”

He entered hesitantly, then spoke in a whisper. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Best wake up call I’ve had on Earth, honestly.” She tried to will energy into her muscles, but it was slow going. 

“You look exhausted.”

“Says the man who just woke me up in the middle of the night.” She managed a stretch. “If you’re going to talk to me at least come here.” She gestured to a spot on the side of her bed. Sleepiness was making her casual.

He crossed slowly and sat down. “I was going to say, exhausted and still beautiful.” She threw her pillow at him. He caught it was his biotics, and it spun in the air, the shimmering blue light coating it. 

“You’re getting faster.”

“Battle makes you quick on your feet.”

“I noticed the new scars.”

“And those are just the ones you can see.” His lip quirked up and she laughed quietly. “You haven’t even seen the ones from Mars.”

“Mars?”

“Right after Earth was attacked, we were deployed to Mars. Long story short, got thrown around, got quite the head wound. Ended up in a Citadel hospital for quite a while.”

Air rushed out of her as she reached for his head. “Oh… I should have been there.”

He looked down sheepishly, letting her fingers move methodically over the scars they had found. “I half hoped you’d be on my rotation.”

“I’m so sorry Kaidan.”

He took her wrists, bringing her hands back down between them and holding them lightly. “Hey, don’t be. You were here, saving a lot of other lives while I was pretty useless.”

“Leave it to me to come to Earth for the first time right before you’re wounded and everything blew up.”

“You never said why.”

“I’d never been here. Figured I should see the homeworld before whatever the Reapers were planning. Didn’t anticipate the experience of roughing it, but I survived.” She said it lightheartedly, as she had talked about surviving bad restaurants or getting lost in the Wards’ myriad levels before. 

“I’m glad for that.”

Something in his tone kept her from waving it off as she normally would. “I wanted to see the things you had told me about. I had almost never left the Citadel. If… if it was all going to end, I wanted to see more than just the space station. Seemed like a better place to start than, say, Palaven.” She laughed lightly. 

“I missed you.”

“Yeah?” Her laughter, propelled by being overtired, took longer to die down.

“Yeah. And when the Citadel was destroyed, I kept pushing it to the back of my mind, knowing that if I thought about it, I would have to think about not seeing you again.” 

“Surprise.”

“I was definitely surprised. When mom pulled you out of the crowd, I couldn’t believe it. I don’t think I believed in miracles until that moment.” He brushed a strand of hair back and her laughter finally quieted. 

Then she yawned. He chuckled. “But I’ve kept you up long enough. I’ve heard about your workday. Don’t need to make it worse. Just… any chance you’ll have time for a walk tomorrow?”

“If you bring lunch. Alliance has to have something other than stale bread, right?” She touched one of the new scars on his hand. “We’ll have to swap stories.”

He took his cue to leave. “Night, Alessa.”

She was already tucking herself back under her blanket. “Night Kaidan. See you tomorrow.”


	14. Rebuilding: Underwater

There were probably ten or fifteen of them out by the lake. Garret had spent the last few weeks cleaning up the debris that had littered the beach after so many months of disuse, and had finally invited them all out to check out his handiwork.It was a day off that they sorely needed. Most of them had been working in the clinic, while others had been on construction or demolition - all were long days of hard work. Summer in Canada still came slowly, so it was fully June before they deemed it warm enough to go out. Earth’s magnetosphere was nice, she decided, since she could just sunbathe without worrying too much.

 

Jessmyn and Lilith were beside her, chatting about nothing. It was a pleasant change from every conversation being about survival and rebuilding. “The problem is that all the good men are taken, on task squads, or off on military.” Alessa turned the page in her book, nodding along absently. “Oh, don’t give us that, Alessa. Not all of us spent the Reaper attacks traveling around with a woman who just happened to have a very attractive, very single son that gets to visit regularly.”

“Not to mention he’s chums with Alliance command,” chimed in Lilith.

“And a Spectre. It’s like a weird fantasy, but true.” Alessa shrugged, not wanting to get into it. “Oh come on. You live with them. You’ve got to have noticed.”

“Oh, she’s noticed,” grinned Jess. “She blushes when she thinks nobody sees. And they go for those walks.” She nudged her, pushing the book out of her hand and onto the sand.

“It’s more complicated than that.” She reached to put a bookmark in. “But thanks for making it awkward, too.”

“Complicated, huh? Do tell.” Both of them turned their attention full on her. “I mean, I was at the platform waiting for Jeremy’s family when they all touched down. I saw him hug you - figured it was for taking care of his mom. You looked like a limp sardine.”

“Thanks for that.” She took a deep breath. “It was complicated, like I said. And honestly, it’s a long story.” She buried her toes in the sand. “I met him when I lived on the Citadel. After Sovereign. Before the rest.” She said it quietly. ‘The rest’ was so complicated that nobody had to ask her what she meant. It was just...everything. “Finding his mom was a fluke. I didn’t even know it was her for a long time.”

“So wait, you were together on the Citadel? And you’re playing coy now? What the heck?”

 

Alessa waved them off again. “This is not a conversation for a fun day at the beach. One of these nights you can buy me drinks and I’ll tell you about it. Suffice it to say, it’s complicated.”

“Well, you’d better uncomplicate it. Because it looks like someone found out about our little getaway spot and decided to join us.” Lilith cast a significant look at the driveway where a jeep was meandering toward them. The open top made it clear to see that Kaidan was driving. Lilith grinned. “Humans turn the most delightful shade of pink when you’re flustered.” She laughed. “Should I greet him?”’

Jess stood up and pulled Lilith with her. “I think we should go take a quick dip. Jeremy and Kessiak are having entirely too much fun without us.” 

Alessa picked her book back up and sighed. She’d told Helen where she was going - a standard safety procedure these days, since not all of the survivors were upstanding citizens, and law enforcement was hit or miss. And Helen must have told Kaidan - though he wasn’t supposed to be back to Earth for another few days or even weeks. They’d been taking walks, just talking about what they did in the reconstruction efforts, stories they’d heard about survivors finding one another, what she’d done on Earth during the attacks. They didn’t hold hands, they didn’t hug hello or goodbye, and she hadn’t had an evening visit from him since that first night he came back. Neither of them knew where to start, and so they just… didn’t.

She opened her book back up and scanned to where she left off. He’d come up to her if and when he wanted to, or she was needed back in town. One way or the other, she was going to sit here and make him come to her. Or at least just sit here and calm her heartbeat.

“Cultural Assumptions and Expectations of Post-Surgical Care?” He read the title at the top of the page from over her shoulder. “A nice light beach read, huh?”

“Second Edition: Updated to include religious and spiritual denotations and connotations for non-Sol species.” She shrugged and finished the paragraph about the religious predecessors of Asari justicars and associated taboos. “I brought it with me on vacation and never got to read it.” She tucked her bookmark back in and set it down, turning to face him as he lowered himself onto the sand. He was wearing a loose shirt unbuttoned and a pair of swim trunks and it just wasn’t fair how good he looked in them. She could almost feel Lilith waggling her eyebrows.

“Leave it to you to bring a medical guidebook with you on vacation.”

“Hey now. I’d never taken a real vacation - the kind you have to leave your house and pack for. I was a little out of my depth.”

His voice was subdued. “And I always told you when I got leave we’d go…” he thought for a moment. “Well, there were a lot of places on that list.”

“You did say it a lot.” She laughed. “We just never got a chance. And when I finally did decide to just up and go, well…” She gestured widely. “End of galactic civilization and all that.”

“And now you’re sitting on the beach by yourself, reading medical books. We need to teach you how to vacation.”

“You’re an expert? Besides, the others were up here a minute ago. They saw you coming and ran away. Must have scared them off.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“I am terrifying, I know. I can’t believe you suffer to be seen with me.”

“I’m adding it to my petition to sainthood.”

“I’m glad I can be of service.” He stretched out on his back, and she took a moment to admire his abs as he lay there with his eyes closed. “I hope it’s ok that I drove out here.” His eyes opened suddenly, turning toward her. “I got home this morning and when I went to take you lunch, mom told me you were out here with some people you’d met. Suggested I could use a little R&R as well.”

“You could. I’m glad you came.” And she meant it.

“Gotta say I’m tempted by that water. The sun’s awfully warm.”

“Go ahead then, I’ll be here.” 

“That’s no fun! Come on!”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Seriously?”

She nodded and picked her book back up. “Go on.” 

“Please?” The look on his face was unfair. 

“Kaidan, I can’t.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?” He pressed on, sensing some concession.

“Can’t. I mean, there aren’t a lot of lakes on the Citadel, and a lot of species don’t have blue planets like us, so there aren’t exactly a lot of swimming lessons, not that we could have afforded them growing up…”

“You never learned to swim?”

She shook her head, then brushed it away. “It’s not a big deal. I like the feel of sand and getting a book read, too. But don’t let me hold you up.”

“You afraid of the water?”

“Not of the water. Just of going under it and not being able to come back up.” She smiled wryly. “Just go already. I can tell how much you want to be in the water.”

He thought for a minute, looking out at the water. Several people were playing volleyball in the water, others were treading water and talking, and a few more were playing chicken. “Do you trust me?”

She narrowed her eyes. “What sort of question…?”

“Do you?”

“Yess,” she said, drawing out the syllable, turning it into a shriek when Kaidan bent and picked her up, walking her the few feet to the shoreline. “Oh my god, it drops off fast! Kaidan!” Those not playing games were looking at her, and Jess was laughing outright. The water came up quickly to Kaidan’s chest and he dropped her legs in the water, holding on to her waist instead, keeping her back to him. She kicked frantically.

“Hey now, trust me. I’ve got you.” She froze, locking up.”Relax. The water holds most of you and I’ve got the rest. And we’re only 2 steps from the drop off if you really want to go back.” She was quiet as she tried to force each muscle to relax. “That’s it. I’m not letting you go. Just let the water push you up. Feel how you lift every time you take a breath, and sink a little every time you let it out? It’s a rhythm. Move your arms down and out and you’ll push yourself up even higher - not too high or you’ll have farther to fall back in.” She tried to focus on his advice, but his arms on her waist were incredibly distracting. 

Finally she took a deep breath and lifted his arms. “You’re gonna get it for this.”

She still couldn’t see him as she tested her arms and legs in their own treading-water motion, but she felt his chest on her back as he leaned into her. “I look forward to it.”

Right then, she sort of wanted to drown if it would hide her blush.


	15. Rebuilding: Unfinished Conversations

She stretched her legs out on top of the dash as the jeep rolled down the long path, tucking her towel around her and tilting her head back to enjoy the last of the sun. It had been sensible, they’d all agreed, for Kaidan to drive her back, since they were going to the same place, and it would save fuel for the rest of them. Besides, the Alliance - and a Spectre - still had access to fuel sources that the rest of them didn’t, and pretty much everyone knew that this had been a not-strictly-necessary trip.

So they moved slowly over the roads, the moon just beginning to peek over the horizon, sharing the sky with the sun. Debris and wreckage still spun in orbit over earth, too, and the occasional falling piece mimicked a shooting star. She stared upward, enjoying the view she had never seen from the Citadel, and decidedly not looking at the view in the driver’s seat.

“I haven’t had a day at the beach in years. That was amazing. Thanks for letting me crash your party.”

“Pfft. It was fine. Half the people there wanted to know more about you, and meeting you is better than my crappy answers to satisfy their curiosity.”

“Me? Why would they want to know about me?”

She tipped down her sunglasses to look at him. “You’re kidding, right? I’m pretty sure that BEFORE you were a Spectre, we once got stopped for your autograph on our way to the arcade.” He scoffed, so she pressed on. “And for your information, the number of times people openly hit on you in my presence was in the triple digits.” She waved her hand magnanimously. “But you are sweetly oblivious, so I mostly just played all the tricks to not-so-subtly claim you, and eventually they got tired of it. And I’m pretty sure once there was an honest-to-goodness stalker, but by then you were off being mysterious and amazing with your biotics squad on Horizon.” She waved her hand again, but this time it was like swatting a pesky gnat - or memory. “What I’m saying is, people have ALWAYS wanted to know about you. And it’s only your sweet humility and boyish charm that makes it tolerable.”

His lips were pressed together in a thin line, though not an angry one. “All that?”

“Those are just the incidents that spring to mind. If you want more, I can think on it.”

“No, I think that’s more than enough.” He thought for a moment. “Triple digits, huh?”

“I think there were maybe a handful that you actually noticed they were hitting on you, and that was because they outright gave you their number or tried to get you to grope them. Which, as an interested bystander, was awkward as hell.”

He blushed now. “Yeah, I remember a couple of those. But your friends didn’t seem like the stalker type, and I’m pretty sure nobody openly hit on me. I certainly didn’t sign any autographs.”

“You’re asking me why they wanted to know more about you?”

“Well, yeah.”

She sighed again. “You show up a few days each month, bring me lunch, and we go for walks. You’re stunningly gorgeous, miraculously single, and obviously talented.” She bunched up the towel on her legs and tossed it to the floor, looking over her legs for sunburns. “It’s only natural they’d want to know more about your mysterious self.”

“I don’t think I’m all that mysterious. You know pretty much everything about me.”

“I’m pretty tight lipped on the subject.”

“Why’s that?”

The question was part of the friendly tempo of the conversation, but it became clear that the answer was not. She took a moment to think about it, pulling her legs into a tight cross-legged position. In any vehicle other than the jeep, her knee would have been across the gear shift. “Because I’m never sure what sort of answer to give.”

He gave a sort of frustrated grunt and looked for a place to pull over. There were dozens - the roads were little traveled these days, and they’d left after the other car. “I’m part of that problem, huh?”

“You kind of are the problem.”

“Ouch.” She shrugged, looking at her left knee. He brought the car to a stop and turned off the ignition. “But I deserve it.” She shrugged again, and he reached out to touch her knee where she was looking. “Alessa…”

She watched his hand, then shook her head. “I don’t mean to keep doing this.”

 

“What?”

“Asking you to make decisions you’re not ready to make.” She shifted slightly away from him. 

“Hey,” he said more forcefully. When she didn’t look at him, he touched her chin to turn her back to face him. “Not to belittle your incredible force of will, but you couldn’t force me to do anything. And I couldn’t force you to, either.” She finally met his gaze, about to say something, then thought better of it. “Back on the Citadel, you told me things that were true - some of them I didn’t want to hear, but none of it lies. And it stayed in my head for weeks. I still hear it.” He slammed his palm against the steering wheel. “Damn it. When I thought you were dead, I thought of a thousand ways I could have ended that conversation better. But I walked away without giving you any sort of clarity. And I’m doing the same thing again.”

He felt the spark of a migraine and reached into the pocket of his shirt, popping one of the pills he always kept in there and trying to ignore the soft look of concern that washed over her face. “I’ve been trying to think of what to say for months. I’ve asked mom about every minute of how you found each other and how you survived. I started to write you emails.” He pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes. “I didn’t know how to make a decision on the Citadel - it was too much, too fast - but nothing you did made that decision harder. It had to be beyond frustrating for you. But now, this time, I can tell you.” He pulled his hands away from his eyes and his vision swam for a moment. “I’m going to keep coming back here, to Earth, to Vancouver, to the clinic.. To you. For as long as you’ll let me. And if you go somewhere else, I’ll go there. I can’t promise I’ll be here all the time - I have duties with the Alliance and the Council - but I’m not going to drift through this because it’s easy, and away when it gets hard.”

He held his hand out to her, holding it in mid-air. “If I didn’t notice those triple digits, it wasn’t because of anything about me. It was because I was with you. And to me, you’re more interesting, more worthwhile - just more - than any of the others.” When she didn’t take his hand, he reached to rub the back of his neck lightly. Another moment of silence, and he started the car, closing his eyes again to subdue the migraine and finish the drive home. 

And so he felt, rather than saw, her rise up on one knee, lean over to him, and press her lips to the corner of his mouth. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, but resisted turning to face her. As much as he wanted to kiss her, they needed to finish this conversation.

“Well, if you’re coming back, I’ll be here.” She lay her head on his shoulder. “I don’t know what else to say to that. Except, well, thanks.” They sat there a minute, and felt her chuckle. 

“What?”

“Just thinking about what Jess and Lilith were saying earlier. That you were very attractive and very single.”

“Not entirely true.”

She grinned and hugged his arm. “Well, I know you’re attractive.”

He smiled too. “I’ll take your word for it. But single, not so much.” He kissed the top of her head. “Come on, let’s get back before mom and dad get worried.”


	16. Rebuilding: Old Games

“Ha! My turn for a last-minute Ardat-Yakshi!” Kaidan gloated as he flipped the card over her pile. “I’ve been waiting years for payback!” Alessa stuck her tongue out at him, and Peter gave them both a questioning look. Kaidan immediately stopped exulting and turned red. 

“He taught me to play Turian Blitz. Having an Ardat-Yakshi as my last card got me that bottle of whiskey he bet me,” Alessa explained, cleaning up the cards. “Alright, I’m out then. You two keep battling it out and I’ll go check on dinner.”

Slowly but surely they’d begun to fix up their small flat. They had a functional kitchen and three bedrooms which were less and less frequently occupied by those in need. It was really beginning to feel like a home. Electricity was more or less consistent now. And no matter how different it was from the way things were, it was beginning to feel normal.

Alessa’s hair had grown long and was tied in a messy braid down her back. As she turned, Kaidan gave it a playful tug and pecked her cheek when she turned. She swatted at him and left the room. 

Peter looked at his son with a smirk. “So that’s what the bottle of whiskey was for, huh?”

Kaidan shrugged without meeting his eye. “Yeah. She won it fair and square.” 

“She’s a good egg.”

“The best.”

Peter hesitated. “I know it might be a bit old fashioned for me to ask this, but… have you considered…?”

“Dad, listen, I know that it feels like everything’s slow, but I’m only here a few days a month.” 

“But you’re on the station for weeks at a time. They have families up there, don’t they?”

Kaidan gave him a withering look. “Yes. But she’s got the clinic here. I’m not going to ask her to give that up.”

“Did you even give her the choice?”

“What? I mean, she knows she could come up there.”

“How on earth would she know that?” Peter laughed. “But to get to the old fashioned part, it’s a pretty clear indicator of wanting her with you if you propose.”

“Dad!”

“Heck, you might want to get on that before your mom adopts her. Might get awkward.”

“DAD.”

“I’m just saying, you’re clearly invested in this. So’s she. Can’t hurt to ask.”


	17. Rebuilding: Questions

He’d stopped by the clinic after work to walk her home. He was leaving the next evening, but his father’s advice had been rattling around in his head since the last time he was home. He traced his thumb over her knuckles as they held hands and walked, while he fought down the knot in his stomach that appeared every time he had to leave. They walked with no real direction toward their flat, and ended up in a rooftop garden that had begun to grow of it’s own volition when the roof had gone untended. Someone had lately thought to clean it up, but the twilight hour kept it empty. 

“Any idea when you’ll be back?” She watched shuttles take off and land from the spaceport not too far away. 

“If all goes according to plan, about three weeks.”

“And if it doesn’t? Because it never does,” she teased.

“A month and a half at most.”

“So long?” She frowned. “I kinda miss the days on the Citadel when you were around for weeks at a time.”

“Trust me, so do I.” He took a deep breath. “Would you ever consider working at a clinic on the station? I’m sure they could use you.”

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. “Maybe. Hadn’t really considered it. Didn’t know it was an option. Thought it was only Alliance types up there.”

“And their families.”

“Plus me? I’ve been the odd man out before, but that might be a little obvious.”

“Not if… Damn. I better do this right or dad will have my head.” He laughed, but got down on one knee. She froze. “Alessa Tucker, will you marry me?” She gaped at him for a minute and he stammered, “I don’t have a ring. I wasn’t planning on doing this. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it for weeks, trying to figure out how to ask, but I…” 

“Oh stand up so I can kiss you.” she said, pulling at his hand. “Of course I’ll marry you. Another few months and I was going to ask you myself. Your mother told me to.”

He got to his feet and grinned. “Smart woman.”

“Mmhm. Not weren’t you supposed to be kissing me?”


End file.
